Waxing and Relaxing

Is it weird that I find an eyebrow wax deeply relaxing?

I used to pay $25 minimum for a “brow design” back in Seattle. Here I go to the corner salon and pay $8. Sure, it’s not Burke Williams, but the place is clean, there’s soothing music playing, there’s a waterfall, and the chairs are super comfy. Plus, the technician never tries to chat me up - always a bonus for me.

I was a very settled-in 32 when I had Little Miss. I enjoyed a lucrative career and relatively simple life. I had plenty of time (and money) to spend on myself. I got monthly facials, the occasional massage and a bi-weekly wax. We were DINKs back then (double-income-no-kids) and it never occurred to us that those dollars would have been useful five years later when we’d find ourselves facing a car repair, broken air conditioner and $285 for preschool all in the same week. Regardless, I’m the type of person who needs to be alone with her thoughts now and then… like every day… for a long time… And, like most moms, I find that my daily reality is simply not conducive to “me time.”

These days the $100 super-relaxing monthly facial just isn’t an option. An $8 wax is about all I can swing (with a $2 tip, of course - I’m not that girl). So I make it my mission to enjoy every second, from the quiet ride over to the wait in the cushy lobby chairs to the event itself, which, despite the inherent discomfort, involves closed eyes, focused attention on me and only me, and 10 or so minutes of blissful quiet.

I’m a firm believer that being a stay-at-home mom is crazy-making if you don’t take the appropriate steps to keep yourself sane. These steps include a) making time to think, meditate or otherwise relax occasionally; b) finding things to do with your children that you both enjoy; c) establishing clear boundaries so as not to become an indentured servant; and d) taking reasonable care of yourself (i.e., not “letting yourself go”).

That “me time,” albeit incredibly difficult to come up with, is also INCREDIBLY important. Don’t get me wrong - I know moms that take it to a ridiculous level. I’m not suggesting you ship your child off to playcare after school twice a week so you can get your nails done and have coffee with your girlfriends. I’m simply suggesting that you find a few minutes, every now and then, to reflect, regroup, and remind yourself that you matter.

“But we don’t have the budget for that,” you protest. I get it. I feel you. Making time for yourself needn’t involve an expensive trip to the spa. Be creative! There are plenty of ways to “get away from it all” without literally getting away. And you don’t need a babysitter - just a few minutes before bed or on a weekend when the hubby’s around to kid-wrangle. Here are just a few suggestions to get you started:

1. Got a laptop or MP3 player and decent set of headphones? Try white noise and a darkened room to create a sense of aloneness. Simply Noise is free and awesome.

2. Guided meditation is another fantastic way to take a break from your mommy stress. There are loads of free podcasts and low-cost downloads available on iTunes.

3. Take a bath in the dark. I know it’s cliché, but it absolutely works! Light candles if you want, but, honestly, it’s the quiet that matters. Banish your husband, lock the door, play music if you need to drown out the household chaos… just float, enjoy the warmth and the darkness, and let your thoughts drift.

4. Got some time but no funds? Try calling a local massage school. Many schools offer free or low-cost massage sessions to allow their students to perfect their skills before entering the professional world. Don’t worry - student practitioners will have spend many, many hours working on each other before being allowed to work on you.

5. Head to the library. If you’re a reader, the library can be an intensely relaxing place. Where else is quiet a RULE? The library is a great place to read, to draw, or to write in your journal - whatever helps to relax and refresh you.

As a side note, taking time for yourself only works if you don’t feel guilty about doing it. Do whatever you need to do to make sure that you’re able to enjoy your time alone without feeling like you’re neglecting your family. Which, of course, you aren't... but you know what I mean.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh....

Miss me? The past week has been filled with love, family, relaxation and inspiration. We left Thursday morning for LA, arrived to a crisp breeze and sunshine, drove to Santa Barbara for my beautiful sister's wedding and checked into our amazing cabin at El Capitan Canyon. I'd love to say I took lots of great pictures to share with you, but, for once, I decided to experience the weekend rather than trying to capture the whole thing to experience later. Here's just a quick look at the weekend's events (with just a few pics taken by more diligent photographers than I). I apologize in advance for the ridiculous number of parentheticals that are sure to follow - chalk it up to a lack of coffee...

Thursday night - BBQ hosted by the groom's (wonderful) family

Friday morning - Watching my daughter experience the ocean for the first time, squooshing my toes in the sand (yeah, that's my tattoo)


Friday evening - Rehearsal dinner at the campground

Saturday - Wedding run-through at the incredible venue (seriously, pictures do not do it justice)


Saturday afternoon - Hair and makeup at the Bacara Resort and Spa (sheer, unadulterated decadence)


Saturday evening - Wedding and reception (here's my daughter with the adorable ring-bearers)


Sunday - Back to LA for some family time

Monday - More fun at the beach and back home

You know how sometimes you just need a break from the ordinary to start seeing things in a new way? I realized on the plane home that I'd been in a bit of a design rut and was both surprised and delighted to find my head positively bursting with new ideas and concepts for future projects. I won't lie and tell you that re-entry into our "normal" schedule hasn't been a bit of a b*tch (pardon my French), but I'm managing to catch up slowly but surely, and without that awful overwhelmed feeling that so often accompanies the end of a break from routine. For the moment at least, I find myself content, relaxed, focused and inspired. Not a bad place to be.

Plan Your Work and Work Your Plan - My New Mantra

As my tone of late might be implying, I've been having some trouble fitting everything into my ever-busier schedule. With orders going up (woohoo!) and shopkeeping activities a necessary part of daily life, even my "foolproof" system has been failing me a bit. While it definitely helps to designate certain days for certain areas of focus - Monday Monday, Trashy Tuesday (not what it sounds like), etc. - I find that I'm constantly frustrated at my seeming inability to ever get ahead. I'm able to maintain, but just barely, and when it comes to exploring new ways to grow my business... forget about it. I constantly feel like opportunity is whizzing by me and I'm just an hour or two shy of being able to take advantage of it.

Recently a friend and fellow work-at-home mommy gave me some great advice. She suggested I create a schedule for the week that includes everything - meals, chores, my daughter's classes, showers, workouts, and even transit time. Once that was complete, I'd be able to see how much time I really had to devote to my business, and could schedule individual activities into each available block of time. Since I was tearing my hair out and willing to try anything, I actually made some time two Sundays ago to do it. It was an elightening exercise, let me tell you. No wonder I was feeling frustrated! It wasn't just that I was feeling like there were never enough hours in the day to get everything done, there actually weren't enough hours in the day to get it done! When you factor in all of my daily responsibilities and keeping up with my orders (the best part of my day, by the way), there are, on average maybe ninety minutes a day in which to promote the business, pursue new opportunities or explore new avenues.

Seeing my daily life on paper was a serious wakeup call. I realized immediately that I was going to have to reset my expectations. Although I hope it will be someday, my business is not my full-time job, and to expect to approach it as though I have 40 hours a week to devote is to set myself up for constant disappointment. I'm not going to pretend like that's sitting well with me, but I know it to be true, and am working on aligning my mindset with my reality.

To that end, I made a long list of things that I wanted to accomplish and began to plug them into the open spaces on my calendar, literally in 30 minute increments. Some promotion-type things I set up as recurring appointments just so I don't have to remember to do them on a regular basis. For a few biggies (like finishing those new designs or working on my invitation portfolio), I actually blocked out 2-hour chunks and simply re-arranged some of my daily commitments to make it happen. I have to admit that the activity was really empowering. It forced me to accept that I cannot do it all. And it challenged me to find creative ways to re-arrange the boring stuff to allow for more exciting pursuits. And you know what? So far, think it's actually working. So far, at least. I mean, look! Here it is 12:30, my calendar says "Blog," and I'm blogging! Wha'dayaknow...........

Order from Chaos - How I Get It All Done

So, I sat down last weekend to review and revamp my "system." The moms among you know exactly which "system" I mean. The "system" (and, yes, I'll stop using quotation marks now) is what gets things done around here. It's the way I ensure that somehow or other, amidst playdates and potty training, I manage to keep people clothed and fed, and maintain a (somewhat) orderly environment. I have two systems actually - one for Home Management (capitalized 'cause it's important) and one for everything else. I tend to think of the Home Management tasks as requirements and my non-houseworky tasks as goals. Goals are those things that somehow move me forward in some area of my life, be it career or art or simply the pursuit of happiness, as opposed to those housewifey-type things that require hours and hours of work just keep things the same. Up to this point, my system for accomplishing goals has consisted of a list of projects I'm hoping to get to - paint that rocking chair, make an appointment to meet with that shop owner, mock up that invitation, get that scrapbook done for my dad's birthday... Not particularly formal, but it does help to have it all on paper.

Just recently, I've added a couple of important elements to my extra-mommy activities. First, I opened my Etsy business and began promoting my stationery line in earnest. Second, I've been volunteering with a local womens' group. While I very much enjoy these activities, I've noticed an appreciable increase in TV time around here. As you mommies know, TV time is the best indicator of the attention you either are or are not giving to your children. If the TV is on, you're probably doing something else while your kid is parked in front of it. Personally, I don't much like TV time, so when I see it becoming our primary at-home activity, I know it's high time to sit down with a pencil and get my priorities in line.

To get us started, let me show you what my system looked like before (and I apologize in advance for a couple of cheesy mnemonic devices). The tasks you see outlined below are those tasks that I generally save for naptime or early morning before anyone else is up. While my daughter's awake, we do our daily chores, i.e. general picking up, laundry, errands and dishes. The system just helps me organize those things that only need to be done once a week. The idea is to get through the task-of-the-day and then use any kid-free time I have left over to get cracking on my goals list.

• "Money Monday" - pay the bills, balance the budget
• "Trashy Tuesday" - collect and take out the trash and recycling, scoop up the dog poo
• Wednesday - clean the bathrooms
• Thursday - dust and vaccuum
• Friday - clean the kitchen and sweep/mop hardwoods and tile

At this point I should also mention that I cook only once a month, usually the first weekend. I get a big list together beforehand, head to the store on Friday, and get to cooking Saturday morning. By Sunday night, I have 30 two-person meals prepared and frozen. When my husband comes home, which is often fairly late, I just defrost and throw together a salad. The cooking system evolved after lots of trial and error. I just found that, although I generally enjoy cooking, I don't enjoy cooking after 8 PM, and we don't have the money to constantly order out. The cook-ahead thing has been a huge money and time saver, and I highly recommend it to moms that are looking for more time for artsy stuff.

Aaaaaaah, artsy stuff... That brings me to the problem I encountered when I tried to fit all my brand new 2008 activities into my otherwise foolproof system. All the little "tasklets" related to my volunteering and entrepreneurial endeavors seemed to require my constant attention - database updates, emails, outreach, networking, shop maintenance, design - and there simply were not enough hours in the day. Plus, when I tried to do a little of everything every day, I found that I wasn't able to focus enough on any one thing to feel that I'd actually made any headway. And then naptime was over, I felt frustrated and (yes, I'll say it) resentful that I couldn't seem to succeed at the things that were important to me. Having never been one to stick with status quo when it's obviously not working, I knew that I had to make some changes before I became completely overwhelmed and gave up on all the fun stuff.

Hence, the revamp. I'm banishing the chaos and spiffing up the system. I will GET IT ALL DONE if it kills me! And I'll enjoy every minute because I'll know that I'm WINNING the battle for balance. To get started, I had to prioritize. First, I made a list of all the activities related to my business and volunteering, and determined how often each needed to be done. Then I took a look at my goals list. If an item on the list wasn't directly related to my business, I immediately moved it to the bottom of the list. Since the business is still in start-up mode, I have to expect that certain things will take more time. Once I feel like I'm really up and running, I can get back to things like painting those chairs. The process was sort of painful (I really wanted to believe I could do ten things at once), but I'm extremely optimistic about the result. The idea is that, each day, when I find myself with time to focus, I will first attack the Home Management task-of-the-day and then move on to my business/volunteer tasks. If something doesn't get done on a particular day, I just push it to the next day until I get caught up. And so, without further ado, here it is, complete with brand new mnemonic devices to help me keep it all straight.

• Daily (early AM and late evening) - email, social networking, promotion, shop maintenance, add new listings
• "Money Monday" - do the Macaroni and Glue books, purchase supplies
• "TDWCC (the name of my womens' group) Tuesday" - focus on volunteer activities
• "Working Wednesday" - assemble orders, package, and ship
• "Thinking Thursday" - put together outlines for blog posts and cue up as many interviews/features as possible for the coming week
• "Forward Friday" - map out next steps for the business, research new avenues for marketing, set up meetings
• "Wonderful Weekends" - design, assemble and photograph for the week's listings

And there you have it! It sounds like a lot, but I swear it's manageable! I'm one week into the new system and, not only did I keep the house running as usual, but I made it through my new weekly list AND got two handmade gifts out the door for family birthdays. Woohoo! And I only stayed up until midnight........ Ok, I stayed up until 1:00 a couple of times. Ah, well. What can I say? It's a work in progress.