I have a confession to make. I fell off the wagon.
Just a few weeks ago, I came to you with this grand proclamation - I wasn't going to use food and inactivity as "rewards" or crutches anymore. I was going to get healthy for the sake of being healthy - not because I wanted to see myself in my high school jeans. I was going to make smart (not "diet") choices and add meaningful, goal-oriented activity into my life and simply allow my body to reshape itself accordingly.
Well, that worked... for exactly two weeks.
As of last Friday, I'd lost a total of five pounds in two weeks. FIVE! I literally went down a pants size and I was feeling great. I'd started my Couch to 5K runs again and felt like I was really on to something. I wasn't starving myself. I was, like I said, simply making better choices. And I was absolutely sure I was making changes I could stick with.
Last weekend, though, everything came to a grinding halt. I stopped caring, got mad and gave up. And you know what did it? One stupid meal. One stupid, giant restaurant meal that I just wasn't strong enough to say "no" to. So, basically, I decided I'd blown my entire week already so I might as well enjoy myself (rather, punish myself) until my next weigh-in.
Despite the fact that I've woken up every morning determined to work my way out of this rut, I haven't been able to get past the feeling that the damage has already been done. And so, in the interest of transparency, I'd like to share with you what has occurred in the past five days. My food transgressions have included:
1. One giant cheesey Mexican dinner followed by three large margaritas at home
2. Chinese take-out
3. McDonald's (ugh...)
4. A ridiculous amount of late-night snacking
5. Too much stupid calorie-laden wine in general
My exercise transgressions have included... well, not exercising.
So now, as of this morning, my hard-fought five pound weight loss has been reduced to a two and a half pound weight loss. Yes, I know - it could be worse. But I promised myself to take the high road this time around and not fall victim to these awful psychological pitfalls. Oops.
So, what's next?
Well, first of all, I'm not going to let the ENTIRE week be a fiasco. I've been weighing in on Fridays, so I still have today to turn things around (so far so good). Once upon a time I heard someone smart (Oprah, maybe?) say, "All you have is today and a choice..." So let's hear it for today and good choices.
Next, I'm going to need to take a good hard look at what got me so off track to begin with. It wasn't just the one meal, if I'm being honest with myself. There were other stresses involved this week. I felt victimized in other areas of my life, so I apparently gave myself permission to ignore my common sense. That shouldn't happen. If I'm frustrated, I need to find ways to deal with the frustration rather than wallowing in it with a huge chunk of cheese and big glass of Merlot.
OK, there you have it. I 'fessed it, I'll fix it. It's all about accountability, baby.
Consider me back on the wagon.